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In Memory Of….

One year ago today I was holding my baby for the first and last time… One year ago today I was kissing my baby on the cheek then turning away and leaving her in the hospital… One year ago today I became broken forever. Over the last 12 hours I have relived every moment and … Continue reading

One Year

One year ago today at this minute I was in labour. In some ways it does not seem that long ago but when I think of the impact that everything that has had on me during this time it is really hard to understand, how within just this one year, I went from the joy … Continue reading

Overcoming the Anxiety

After I started thinking more clearly I found my own little ways to help deal with my grief. I took pride in making sure that Lily’s memory box was all neat and tidy and up to date, I started growing flowers in our garden for her and I spent time at the cemetery looking after … Continue reading

The Dark Days..

In the days following the funeral I found a small amount of comfort knowing that Lily was close by in the cemetery only a 10 minute walk from our house, which we visited every day. This was the only place I felt comfortable going. The rest of my time was spent at home literally doing … Continue reading

The Funeral..

After we visited Lily at the hospital it was time to start planning her funeral. We made a decision on which funeral directors to use and went to visit them the next day. As soon as we walked in we knew we had made the right decision. They made us feel welcome, went through every decision … Continue reading

What do you do when your baby dies?

What do you do when your baby dies? This has to be the most unanswerable question ever asked. No matter how many times I asked or who I asked no one could give me a answer. I could not imagine how I would live my life without Lily in it and I just wanted someone … Continue reading

‘That’ Night

Tuesday 24th January 2012, I went to bed for the last time, blissfully happy. A phone call to the neonatal unit earlier on had taught us Lily was doing well after being taken off the ventilator and I was looking forward to being able hold my baby properly for the first time the following day. I woke … Continue reading

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The operation

After spending about a hour with Lily it was time for the porter to wheel me up to the ward. The midwife had arranged for me to have my own private room instead of being put on a ward with all of the other mothers who had their babies with them. Also they knew that … Continue reading

Lily’s Here..

Sunday 15th January 2012 I slept really well. Which was strange because I had not slept well in the last two months. I woke up on the morning of the 16th a little nervous but fully rested and ready to meet Lily. The nerves were definitely kicking in as Paul and I sent Dylan off … Continue reading